Nine ways to disciple your husband
1) Get a burden – (Galatians 6:1) Your husband is caught in sin. What I mean here is that he is not entirely sanctified. The Bible does not teach sinless perfection, which means your husband has sin struggles like you and me.
If you don’t have a burden for your husband’s sanctification, then you will miss out on the opportunities to help him in his sanctification. If your marriage is more about what you can get out of it rather than what you can put into it, then you are not leading well.
- Are you willing to set aside what you want for what he needs?
2) Pray for him – (1 Corinthians 1:4) I know; I know. I’m a Christian so I’m supposed to add prayer to the list of things a person should do to help someone. Yes, prayer is a great way to access the Trinity on behalf of the sanctification of your husband. Maybe the LORD will change him and maybe you should ask Him to change him. So pray.
While I mean prayer for that reason, what I’m really thinking about is how Paul prayed for the Corinthians. Paul spent time thanking God for the Corinthians. I want you to spend time thanking God for your husband.
If you don’t have affection for the person you want to help, then the help you’re going to offer may blow up on you. Paul had extravagant affection for the Corinthians, which paved the way for him to correct them.
- Do you have extravagant affection for your husband?
3) Model your goal – (Philippians 4:9) Write out on a piece of paper the things you would like for your husband to become. Here are a few examples: humble, servant, encourager, respectful, loving, kind, gentle, and passionate for God.
I’m sure you can add to the list. If not, just these few things will make your marriage sing. A core tenet of biblical leadership is to become the person you want others to be.
To think otherwise is hypocritical and destructive to any relationship. To expect or demand someone to be what you are not is wrong on so many levels. To lead well is to show them what to become by your other-centered, God-honoring example (Ephesians 5:1; 1 Corinthians 11:1).
- Are you a clear biblical example of what you want him to become?
4) Win him with encouragement – (Ephesians 4:29) Make sure your words have a building up effect rather than a corrupting, tearing down effect. A word fitly spoken can transform your world and one not fitly spoken can destroy it (Proverbs 25:11).
You have power in your words. You can draw your husband to you and Christ by what you say or you can push him farther away. One of the most effective assessment questions you can ask in this area is, “What do you experience more from me: my encouragement or my displeasure?”
If you want to lead your husband well, then be courageous and grace-filled enough to check your blind spots. Ask him about his experience with you.
5) Make it easy – (Genesis 3:7) Your husband is a proud, self-reliant person who does not want to show weakness. I know this because I am one. We men are wired to be strong and impenetrable. Throw in a little sin and what you get is a person who does not want to reveal his flaws to anyone, especially to his wife.
He wants to impress you, which makes your condemnation and criticism of him more acute. Perhaps he has given up on impressing you. This is not hopeless, it just means you have more leadership work to do.
One of the most effective things the LORD does to win us to Him is by making it crystal clear that He is for us (Romans 8:31). The more your husband knows you are for him, the more you will be able to disciple him.
- Ask your husband if he thinks you are for him.
6) Pick your spots – (Proverbs 15:1) Be careful about confronting him head-on or when you are angry. This is unwise and unhelpful. Know your audience. Find non-fight times to talk to your husband.
The moment of your disappointment is probably not the best time to talk about what is wrong with him. You’re more than likely going to say it the wrong way, which will only exacerbate an already negative situation.
Find a vulnerable time to talk to him. These are those moments when he’s not as defensive and you’re not as disappointed. It could be when you are already talking in a civil manner and you feel his receptivity to what you are saying.
- Do you have self-control, which governs the timing of your communication?
7) Don’t be manipulated – (John 2:24-25) Sometimes a husband can become defensive by resorting to manipulative tactics. He will do this to throw his wife off the scent of his destructive ways.
Rather than owning his sin when she confronts him, he begins to blame, justify, or make excuses for his actions. If the wife is manipulate-able, she will buy what he is selling. This will cause her to be double-minded (James 1:5-8).
When she is away from him, she will see his actions clearly. When she gets within his manipulative orbit, she loses discernment. She gets lost in his noise and her mind becomes muddled. Some women struggle more with this than others.
If you can be easily muddled, then you need to fixate on what the problems are with your husband and your marriage. While you want to hold your assessments loosely (humbly), you don’t want to hold them so loosely that you’re double-minded about what is happening.
It may be wise to seek counsel about your marriage. Another perspective could clear up the fog, while giving you someone you can go to when your mind becomes cloudy.
- Are you easily manipulated?
8) Be a matchmaker – (1 Corinthians 15:33) You should not have to help your husband alone. Though you are his primary discipler, you are not his only discipler.
Begin praying about a male friend who can come alongside him to help him. Build community. This could also quicken the process of sanctification. The typical husband will open up quicker to a third party he does not know before he will open up to his wife.
- Who is a guy your husband may be willing to open up to?
9) Find community – (Proverbs 11:14) It’s also imperative you have your community to help you as you help your husband. You don’t want to be alone either. Your local church should be the best place for you to find friends to come alongside you.
If you live in a place where that is not possible, then I appeal to you to jump into our community. We have a network of friends who are more than willing to help you in this great adventure of husband discipleship. You can learn more about that here.
- Who is caring for your soul?
Source: Adapted from Rick Thomas (www. rickthomas.net). Read full article here
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