“For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.” Titus 1:7-8
Accountablitity Advice from Pastor Chuck Swindoll
Accountability questions asked of his fellow pastors:
- Have you been with a woman anywhere this past week that might be seen as compromising?
- Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?
- Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material?
- Have you spend adequate time in Bible study and prayer?
- Have you given priority time to your family?
- Have you fulfilled the mandates of your calling?
- Have you just lied to me?
Accountability Advice from Pastor James MacDonald
….those who fell morally must have disregarded the warning signs. They didn’t go from Spirit-led to stepping off the cliff in one day. They must have crashed some social barriers before their slippage became sexual.
Where is that line? I wondered, And how can I make sure I never cross it? I knew I had to make my decisions early and my standards public so that others would know when I was “playing near the edge.” I was determined that, by God’s grace, I would not take the plunge. So I set some boundaries of behavior….
“Sexual temptation is where we are held least accountable and where we can fall fastest.”
I began to form my list of moral fences:
1. I will not, under any circumstances, ride alone in a car with a female other than my wife or an immediate family member.
No lifts home for a church secretary, no baby sitters driven home late at night, no rides for teen girls in my student ministry, more recently no personal pickups for my daughter’s girlfriends, no exceptions.
Recently while speaking out of town, I had to explain to my pastor friend why it would not work out for his wife to meet me and drive me over there. It has been awkward at times, but it’s a beneficial discipline.
2. I do not counsel a woman in a closed room or more than once.
No matter what the issue, counseling is an intimate activity, and when the subject matter itself becomes intimate, counseling the opposite sex is like playing with fire…
When I cannot avoid a second session with a woman in our church, I have my wife or another pastor join us. Pretty hard to commit adultery with someone you never spend time alone with.
3. I do not stay alone in a hotel overnight.
I did my doctoral thesis on increasing the incidents of self-disclosure of sin among men. I have heard more confessions of addiction to various forms of sexual sin than any one pastor should have to hear, and it has changed me. It has left me deeply persuaded that “there but for the grace of God (and some moral fences), go I.” I know myself too well.
Lengthy, unaccountable hours with manifold temptations available is a recipe for failure. Romans 13:14 instructs us to “make no provision for the flesh.” Do I sound weak? I am! And when I forget that weakness, I cease to know God’s strength (1 Cor. 12:10).
When I travel, I travel with someone. When that is impossible, I stay with a friend. When that is impossible I do not go. Period.
Early in my ministry, that meant there were things I missed out on. Recently our elders have agreed to help fund a travel partner for me. If an outside ministry opportunity is deemed worthwhile, and the ministry cannot afford a second airfare, our church pays for me to take another pastor or elder, or best of all, my wife!
4. I speak often and publicly of my affection for my wife, when she’s present and when she’s not.
Marriages that are failing often become silent in public before they become loudly negative. If a pastor neglects publicly affirming his wife, it may reveal a private deterioration of that relationship.
5. Compliment the character or the conduct, not the coiffure or the clothing.
I’m still working on this one. As our church has grown, and I don’t know everybody personally, the power of a compliment has become a problem. As pastors we love people and want to be an encouragement. Formerly, if I noticed that Shelly had a new dress or Susan had changed her hair I would compliment her on that. I felt it was harmless. If it seemed to meet a need and I meant it sincerely, I thought, No harm done.
But more recently I have seen that this seemingly innocent gesture can have far more impact than I ever intended. Now I’m trying to restrict my compliments to character and conduct. I get to use my gift of encouragement, but I focus on the things God is doing in a person’s life and not the externals that are so easily misunderstood.
Make the fences public
The fence is useless if I can take it down any time my sinful heart desires. To make it work, those around me must understand the fences and be willing to tell me if they see one broken down. I periodically weave the fences into a sermon.
Isn’t this legalism?
This is not legalism. Legalism is when we judge another’s spirituality based on man-made rules. We are not judging anyone’s heart for the Lord. We are simply reasoning together how we can remain pure and faithful in our commitments to God and family.
What about solo sexual sin?
The fiercest battle for sexual purity is fought in the mind, what I look at, and what I think about. Moral fences may protect me from the act of adultery, but what protects a minister from the mental/emotional infidelity Jesus warns of (Matt. 5:28)?
My resume in these matters is certainly not spotless, but I have found great help in weekly accountability from my men’s small group, which asks specific questions about Internet usage, television/movies viewed, and magazines read.
Knowing that within days my brothers will ask me point blank, “Have you set anything unclean before your eyes this week?” (Ps. 101:3) has been a strong deterrent.
Above reproach
In both Timothy and Titus, Paul instructs leaders in Christ’s church to be above reproach. That is, our conduct must be such that it would be difficult, even for those who oppose our ministry, to bring an accusation against us. Many a pastor has had his ministry destroyed over accusations that could not be proven false, though they were.
Our congregation is comforted in knowing that our ministry team is seeking to protect themselves and the church from moral failure. By identifying the behaviors that lead to moral problems and avoiding them, we embrace the wisdom of Proverbs 4:26 to “ponder the path of your feet and let all your ways be established.”
Of course, the standards themselves are not in any way righteous. They are only a protection against potentially overwhelming temptation.
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